Thinking Sideways

I'm thinking sideways,

Seeing roads that I can take,

Feeling misplace,

But it feels okay.

I'm fearing shadows,

Casted from my disbelief,

Hearing whispers,

In my mind played on 

repeat.

 

Faceless and nameless,

To the people in this place, 

They could care less

About the things I say or do unless

I give them reasons to turn their

heads.

Get up walk to the stage,

Their gaze follows me the whole

way.

Watching every step that I take.

Because one misstep puts my life at

stake.

 

Please save me.

I put my words in your hands

Please don't use them as a weapon,

If you can understand them,

Please save me.

Be careful how you spell them

they're all poison with a rhythm

They'll make you think sideways. 

 

No one sane here will remain

The only pedestal I have, I'm

ashamed

Are the hardships I've obtained

And put into words to express my

pain.

Everyone sings along,

It seems like I'm not the only one

Who's running from their own

minds

Every night besides these nights in

front of

A thousand lights.

 

Please save me.

I put my words in your hands

Please don't use them as a weapon,

If you can understand them,

Please save me.

Be careful how you spell them

they're all poison with a rhythm

They'll make you think sideways. 

Not Ready

Another photo shoot of the happy couple.

Trip to Jamaica for some newly-wed

Trouble.

All of a sudden every cost starts to double.

Happy for my friends but I need to

Struggle, just a little bit longer.

Then I want to fall in love with a girl who

Writes our future name, on a notebook.

Talks about me with no shame.

Consistently drinks me under the table.

Drags me to church. Loves past my

Stumbles.

Brings out the best in me and loves the

Worst.

Think I found her and that’s what hurts.

Because I know, I know, I’m not ready.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I want to kiss a few more lips before the

Lights turn on.

Wake up drunk a few more times on my

Neighbors lawn.

Trip to Vegas and ride the red train until

I’m broke.

Then ride the train home, try to bum a

few smokes. I don’t even smoke.

Then I want to fall in love with a girl who

Writes our future name, on a notebook.

Talks about me with no shame.

Consistently drinks me under the table.

Drags me to church. Loves past my

Stumbles.

Brings out the best in me and loves the

Worst.

Think I found her and that’s what hurts.

Because I know, I know, I’m not ready.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I know, I know, I’m not ready.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

This shirt isn’t me,

I don’t wear collars except for church and

new years eve.

These shoes aren’t mine.

Don’t have velcro straps but the label

design.

And my hair, short with gel, not long.

Like hell, something’s wrong.

Can you not tell?

Giving up freedom for cash in my

Pocket.

Sold my grandma’s World War Two locket

I never thought it would catch up with

me so quickly. I miss me

Waking up hung over barely sober.

The third night over but I’m older and

She asks me to watch a movie.

With her family. Drinking decaf coffee.

It’s only the beginning.

Who is who I used to be.


Wearing baggy sweats,

Haven’t washed for weeks.

Drinking because hell, it’s been a hell

of a week

and I could avoid responsibility.

She’s putting on me.

She’s putting on me.

She’s putting on me.

No, no, no, I’m not ready

For a girl who

Writes our future name, on a notebook.

Talks about me with no shame.

Consistently drinks me under the table.

Drags me to church. Loves past my

Stumbles.

Brings out the best in me and loves the

Worst.

Think I found her and that’s

Scaring me.

I know, I know, I’m not ready.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I know, I know, I’m not ready.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Addiction

Hesitate, make a new feeling you can't

Recreate, you'll try anything. They say

Get addicted or fall in love

Either way it will burn you up.

Mediate, the demons in your head

Don't underestimate,

The thoughts they mimic

Because murder is less than cards

If cards can do the trick.

It's a sleight of hand, please understand

The illusions will stick.

 

Weak man, control not my soul,

Broken from the hammer I hold.

This mirror is shattered but I see just fine,

Reflections uncover, pieces of my mind. 

 

Asphyxiate, myself a little more.

It accommodates, fear of the passage on,

When it's hard to tell heaven from hell

From the feelings I've felt.

Earthly fate flows through my veins

To the dirt where I'll stay. 

 

Weak man, control not my soul,

Broken from the hammer I hold.

This mirror is shattered but I see just fine,

Reflections uncover, pieces of my mind. 

 

Are these my thoughts or not?

Misguided I'm fraught with,

Temptations on my heart,

Go easy on me please.

 

Weak man, control not my soul,

Broken from the hammer I hold.

This mirror is shattered but I see just fine,

Reflections uncover, pieces of my mind.

Evelyne

Evelyne, don’t you dream.

Fate already knows what you need.

Enjoy what you have and

Let go of the wheel.

Let your mind be still.

You have your mother’s eyes.

Your father’s heart

And now they’re both worlds apart.

You’re stuck in a life

That you can’t restart.

It’s the hardest part.

Uncover your eyes.

It’s all in your head.

Cast away the life that you dread.

The others may see.

Only the rain.

But you know by now

It washes away the pain.

Look how you’ve grown.

You’re young and beautiful.

Eyes stare you know

It’s not unusual.

There’s just so much that

The world will give to you

If you lose your virtue.

Uncover your eyes.

It’s all in your head.

Cast away the life that you dread.

The others may see.

Only the rain.

But you know by now

It washes away the pain.

Lets begin,

This tug of war of life and sin.

Don’t lose your grip or else

you might not make it out alive.

Evelyne,

Uncover your eyes.

It’s all in your head.

Cast away the life that you dread.

The others may see.

Only the rain.

But you know by now

It washes away the pain.

Uncover your eyes.

It’s all in your head.

Cast away the life that you dread.

The others may see.

Only the rain.

But you know by now

It washes away the pain.

Evelyne, don’t you dream.

Fate already knows what you need.

Enjoy what you have and

Let go of the wheel.

Let your mind be still.

 

Parables

I’ll race you to the end of time

So we can cross the finish line to know

The meaning of it all.

You look at me so confused

Like you got better things to do

And that’s alright.

Sometimes I don’t realize

The moments I waste

Just trying to get through

Don’t get the taste

because I swallow too soon.

Please don’t tell me

You haven’t felt this too.

That life’s too short

And that’s a blessing for a few.

Don’t fix your eyes

On what’s behind.

Realize we won’t make it out alive.

Grab ahold of the ones you love.

Don’t let go.

Because life’s too short to go it alone.

I can’t steady my hand.

The thought of your absence lingers.

Ease me from this state of mind.

Always walking a thin line.

Parables to avoid sweet lies

I believe them.

I’m drowning in the shallow end.

All these thoughts have made me

Grow numb.

Can’t escape no matter how fast I run.

We all must face

when our time has come.

That life’s too short

and that’s a blessing for some.

Don’t fix your eyes

On what’s behind.

Realize we won’t make it out alive.

Grab ahold of the ones you love.

Don’t let go.

Because life’s too short to go it alone.

Footprints

Breathe in the air you know isn’t yours.

Look in the mirror, vision is blurred.

Scream but hear no words.

Trapped within their world.

The clothes on your back

Define who you are.

The knowledge you have,

Won’t get you far.

Sell your soul to learn

How to live for yourself.

Borrowed time with interest.

I’m interested in this system.

Give me time so I can live

Just to give you all my time.

It’s counterintuitive.

It’s how we choose to live.

Forced by influence

Because we didn’t know better

And listened.

We didn’t know better and listened.

We didn’t know better and listened.

So we followed the footprints.

That lead us astray.

From the ones who made

Their own path.

Say it’s the only way.

This can’t be the only way.

I will find my own way.

I want to live without this noose

Tied around my neck.

If I stray too far it tightens.

Won’t let me forget.

Where I stand or who I am

But slowly lets me forget

Who I want to be

Because we didn’t know better

And listened.

We didn’t know better and listened.

We didn’t know better and listened.

So we followed the footprints.

That lead us astray.

From the ones who made

Their own path.

Say it’s the only way.

This can’t be the only way.

I will find my own way.

We didn’t know better and listened.

This can’t be the only way.

I will find.

This can’t be the only way.

I will find.